all I ever needed …
Take a deep breath.
Okay… this is song in short is my testimony. Oh I don’t even know where to start. God rescued me, truly. Here I go…
I wrote this song two years ago after a deep time of worship, when it struck me just how much He had saved, redeemed and healed me from.
I grew up in a Christian household and gave my heart to God at the age of 4. I can’t remember how I went about it, but I know that I wanted Jesus in my heart forever. Now I don’t think I ever lost that desire, but as I started to get older the reality of Jesus as best friend (Proverbs 18:24) was not yet know to me. As a result I went through a lot of things in silence, not wanting to burden my family and not wanting to look weak.
God truly stepped in, wiped my tears and started to dress those deep wounds. Truly, He is all I ever wanted, all I ever needed and will need…x
Dealing with disappointments
I believe that disappointments require us to be transparent, if to no one else at least to ourselves, and to do so before God. Let Him know your feelings, thoughts, emotions and questions.
It’s what you do after that which will affect how you then proceed...
We can choose to stay in negative feelings and thoughts, which if we give enough time can render us ineffective... over time allowing certain emotions towards ourselves and others to fester and cloud our judgement.
Or we can acknowledge all those things which have led to disappointment, and then choose to look to God, from where comes our help. By focusing on Him we stay on the path He has called us to walk.
This is why Philippians 4:8 is so important for believers to do as it instructs us how to keeps our minds focused on God and well.
Scriptures:
- Luke 22:42
- 1 Samuel 15:11
- Philippians 4:8
With love,
E x
(I filmed this video after my visa was denied, I had to tell everyone I was no longer travelling and seeking God on whether He wanted me to try again or move on…)
Before the mission trip…
It all begins with an idea.
I had always wanted to go on a mission trip. My sister had gone on one when I was in high school and if I’m being honest I felt a little bit of envy (all be it, it didn’t last long). However, my desire to go was I something couldn’t shake off, but I never felt that release to go.
As I began to get ready to go off to university, I spent time with God seeking His guidance on this new chapter. I prayed for the right friends, I didn’t need a lot… I prayed for one friend. Sought Him for the spiritual environment I was about to enter and how He wanted me carry myself… I felt lead to prepare myself to serve. I had no idea what that would entail, but asked Him to prepare my heart for what was ahead.
Then I arrived and within a few weeks, I had discovered what ‘serve’ looked like. I join the Christian Union and then proceeded, with my one friend, to pray and fast for those we encountered at CU, who lead and our campus too. Every week, almost without fail, be it a prayer walk or in our room, we prayed consistently for that whole year. Alongside this I had become a student ambassador for my university, supporting them on a practical level. I did both of these things for the full 3 years of my study (the frequency changed in my final year, for both).
As the end of my first year approached God presented me with the opptunity to go on my first overseas mission trip. I found myself asking God, why? What has changed Lord? While having this quiet moment with God, my year flashed before me and with it came revelation. Lord this is mission… what I have been doing this year has been missional…
To know Christ, submit to His will, seek His face first, allow Him to shape/mould and grow me in every aspect of life… to fill me up for His glory.
To pray for those around me, my leaders, classmates… pray for the sick, seek His heart for them and not my own selfish desires.
To walk alongside those God has called me to, walking that extra mile, showing them the love of Christ. My Saviour who washed my dirty feet… to shine His light.
Most of this happened without me even realising, but I knew this is God’s heart. To know Christ and make Him known. This is mission and until this moment I don’t think I really understood what it meant to be missional.
I needed that year to teach me truly what it meant to die to self, surrender to God and serve.
And what happened next, well that’s another story…
X x x
“But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.” - Matthew 6:33 NKJV
“Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.” - James 5:16 NKJV
“And whoever compels you to go one mile, go with him two.” - Matthew 5:41 NKJV